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Letters to the Editor #1

In Blocked on April 16, 2009 at 8:35 pm

In December 2008, after over eight years of writing online at Pandemian and before that Green Fairy – in other words, having been present as the web grew from a puking toddler into a sullen teenager tormented by the onset of puberty and a sudden desire to write emo poetry – Jack Pandemian stopped. Just like that.

Despite repeated missives from devoted readers asking her to break her silence and explain, she remained tight-lipped as to her reasons for vanishing into virtual thin air. Until now.

I approached Miss Pandemian requesting a piece for Writers’ Bloc on why she had given up writing. An article was promised, but it would seem to be taking a little longer than originally planned. So what follows is the first in a series of letters from Jack, which will appear at infrequent intervals until the article itself is finished. Whenever that might be. Maybe, just maybe, this correspondence will offer some insight into what on earth might possess someone to (gasp) stop writing. – VS

Hello Mr Simons,

It’s not easy, this writing business, is it? Or maybe it is for you. Certainly your piece on the sheer filth that is semi-colons seemed to flow in a way that would not be possible from a man suffering from any sort of unfortunate bung. But I seem to find myself perspiring unattractively over every third word these days and never actually getting anything out. Look at that bit up there, the ‘sheer filth that is semi-colons’. I’ve just spent ten minutes in syntax agony, feeling that it perhaps ought to be ‘sheer filth that are semi-colons’ but that sounds even more tortured. And should it be ‘syntactical agony’? Is that even a word?

Certain people might deduce that this porridge in my gears may have been a contributing factor to giving up blogging, but I find such people irritating and do not care to speak to them.

In short, then, and eventually; the piece about giving up blogging is coming. Really, it is. Might have to pop out for some more kirsch first, though.

However, I like this ‘Letters to the Editor’ idea. Easing back into it, as it were. Was it not Sartre who said “use it or it will dry up and then not even something from that permasticky shelf in Boots will be able to help you”? Yes, I think it was. And this seems like an excellent easing; gentle yet knowledgeably firm, with a resolute promise to call in the morning. 

J

Jack Pandemian used to write online at Pandemian. But then she found something more interesting to do instead.

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  1. i can help you jack, i have a non stop flow of words that never dry up although some not so good, due in part to a tragic brain injury, see don’t you feel better already?

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