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Why I cannot listen to rap music and write at the same time

In Process on July 20, 2009 at 10:14 pm

Dear Lil Wayne,

I have been sat here at a desk for hours. More accurately, it is an adjustable table which I have by the side of my bed and I am sat on my bed with the table in front of me. My back hurts a little and I read somewhere that this is not the best way to sit. Don’t worry, I’ll live.

I am trying to work on a story which I have been writing for many months. It is autobiographical, though not explicitly. I mean, the character has the same job as me and has some of the same feelings as me, but we differ in the way we react to things. The character in the story shoplifts and stops on the street to drink and talk with homeless people, things I would probably never do. There is a part of the story where the character stays in bed for a week rather than going in to work. In one paragraph he pushes an old lady over in the street. I am not sure whether or not these are fantasies I have and am acting out in my writing. Do you think this is possible? Is this what you do?

Wayne—of course, you don’t mind me calling you Wayne—like you I find myself apologising a lot in my writing. You say sorry for your language and your bad behaviour, whilst I apologise for how seemingly dull or pointless the actions of my characters are, or at least how dull my descriptions of those actions are, and like you I feel like these apologies are mostly insincere. We have nothing to be sorry for, you and I; we are doing what we feel like doing, and that is more important than the opinions of other people. Maybe you have a little more to apologise for than I do, but only if you feel bad for saying some of the things you say about women or other rappers, but if you don’t then that is fine too.

Now I am listening more to ‘The Drought 3’ and I am starting to think that you are just making this stuff up as you go along. Don’t worry, I am doing exactly the same thing. Maybe I should just turn every other line into rhyme and then we would have more in common? I feel like I should write a story about Macho Man Randy Savage and send it to you, and then you could tell me whether you like it or not. Maybe you could write a rap about it. You don’t have to though. Just a suggestion.

Anyway. Thanks Lil Wayne. Thanks for taking the time out to read this. I know you’re a big star and everything so I really appreciate it. If you have a chance to respond then that would be great, but I will understand if you don’t have the time.

Chris East

Chris East writes a blog at Late Night Taxi Driver Badminton and runs Bureau De Books, but in real life he works in a theatre box office selling musicals to the elderly.

  1. See man? Just goes to show, we’re all the same, inside yo. Forreals.

  2. Hi Chris,

    I’m glad we have so much in common. You can call me Wayne anytime you want.

    Your pal,

  3. Lil Wayne ain’t nothin’ but a li’l man who ain’t nuttin to no-one. I could crush that beeyatch with my oversize feet. Good name, though.

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